This guide was prepared by one of my team members who sailed from Salvador , Brazil to Durban, South Africa. I found it really funny but very vivid descriptions to non-sailors and aspiring sailors. Not sure if you still want to sail after reading this...
Enjoy reading....
Whilst Parts A, B and C training were all excellent for equipping us with the necessary skills to differentiate our leaches from our luffs, our forestays from our jackstays and even our bowlines from our bow lines, Leg 2 rapidly revealed that they had been somewhat inadequate in preparing the less experienced sailor for the harsh realities of ocean racing. By way of compensation, I would therefore like to propose the following supplementary training schedule, which might hopefully serve as a more practical guide to life on board.
Clipper Training - Part D
1) Ask a good friend to sleep over and wake you at regular 2 hour intervals throughout the night by shouting in a high-pitched, frenzied scream “ALL HANDS ON DECK – WE’RE GYBING!” On hearing this, time how long it takes you to put on wet oilies and deck boots (which you have conveniently left at the bottom of your bed) and move swiftly outside to an imaginary foredeck.
2) Once in place on the imaginary foredeck, ask same friend to forcefully throw copious buckets of water (preferably cold and salty) directly in your face, taking care to ensure that at least one bucketful enters your clothing at the neck and penetrates slowly and torturously inside.
3) When suitably damp, uncomfortable and miserable, proceed to throw buckets of water over your sofa and bed, ensuring that you now have nowhere dry to sit or sleep.
4) Prepare for the heads by entering a small public toilet cubicle in full oilies, lean at a 45 degree angle wedging one foot up against the wall for balance, secure a good handhold with one hand and attempt to undress and perform the necessary functions using the other hand only. Repeat in the dark.
5) Refrain from showering, brushing your hair or changing your clothes for at least one week. Notice how good other people smell! After one week, enter small shower cubicle and repeat above preparation for the heads (ie lean at a 45 degree angle wedging one foot up against the wall for balance, secure a good handhold with one hand, etc) and attempt to wash thoroughly with the other hand using no more than five litres of water. Repeat in the dark. Simulate tacking by altering direction of 45 degree lean and attempting to find new hand and footholds half way through washing.
6) Throw out all fresh food you may have in your cupboards and replace with endless tins of dubious looking meat of unknown origin. Confine yourself to a small kitchen for 24 hours endeavouring to think of original ways to make said meat look and taste edible when served with an accompaniment of rice or pasta.
7) Sit on your wet sofa and eat the above menu (alternating between rice and pasta accompaniment) from a large greasy dog bowl with a rusty spoon, daily for a little over three weeks. Supplement diet regularly with Pot Noodles.
8) Most importantly, commence therapy immediately to help you come to terms with the vast sum of money you’ve had to part with for the thrill of this “unforgettable” experience!!
9) Seriously though, I do actually have a couple of genuine tips to pass on:
10) If you’ve signed up for a hot leg, take a bed sheet to cover your bunk mattress. The cabin is like a sauna in the Tropics and the RTWs assure me that lying on a sheet rather than on the mattress is a lot more comfortable. If you’ve signed up for a cold leg – Good Luck!!
11) Practice bread making! Fresh bread REALLY IS a treasured delicacy and if you can make bread rolls even half as well as James, the rest of the crew will love you forever!
12) Make sure your camera is waterproof if you want to capture any of the real action and convince your friends you didn’t really just book a Sunsail cruise!
13) Above all, have the time of your life! After all, who knows when you’ll next get the chance to experience anything quite like this again?
